


new face - old grief

by TsukiKabanoki



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hallucinations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:21:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26094043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsukiKabanoki/pseuds/TsukiKabanoki
Summary: Yes, he could go on with his life without thinking of her constantly. But moving on? This seemed impossible still. Why? Because in his darkest moments, when he was feeling like it couldn't get worse, she was there.The Eleventh Doctor mourns the loss of Rose in a different way.
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/Rose Tyler, The Doctor (Doctor Who)/Rose Tyler
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	new face - old grief

This new face seemed to handle the old grief differently.

While his previous regeneration missed her terribly every moment of his existence, the sheer mention of her name making it unable to conceal his emotions, this body - this mind - found it easier to live without her.

Yes, he could go on with his life without thinking of her constantly. But moving on? This seemed impossible still. Why? Because in his darkest moments, when he was feeling like it couldn't get worse, she was there. The comforting presence she always was.

The first time he saw her was the regeneration. Out of the corner of his completely new eyes, he caught a glimpse of her - laughing. The biggest, most beutiful laugh in the multiverse. But he chalked it up to her having been his last thought, not giving any mind to it again.

The second time was not as forgettable. Amy's first trip ended in catastrophe. In the reveal of a truth so horrible, he himself felt the need to be able to just forget.

„Three options. One: I let the star whale continue in unindurable agony for hundreds more years. Two: I kill everyone on this ship. Three: I murder a beautiful, innocent creature as painlessly as I can and ... and then I find a new name, because I won't be the Doctor anymore.“ He thought he could feel a hand sliding into his, but there was noone beside him and he continued changing the settings. It hurt. After Gallifrey he never wanted to ever have to make such a choice again. But the universe was rarely so kind.

„There must be something we can do. Some other way.“

He was sick of it. Of everything. You make decisions, you have to face the consequences. They shouldn't make it even harder for him than it was, but they did. Because they were just silly apes always trying to make the right choice, but failing at going through with it. „Nobody talk to me. Nobody talk to me. Nobody human has anything to say to me today!“

And then she was there. Long blonde hair falling in waves over her bare shoulders, looking exactly like she did when they were facing the lone Dalek. „Doctor.“

That's all she said before he blinked and she was gone, but it was all that needed to be said.

He instantly calmed. The anger didn't just vanish, of course it didn't. But it lessened and maybe, he thought, maybe he could lose this battle without losing himself.

She was there again, after the Daleks. He had sent Amy off to bed and alone in the console room the events of the day broke down on him again. He sat down on the jumpseat, exhausted.

He had failed. He had lost everything to them again and again and again, but they always came back, never quite defeated.

Suddenly a hand slipped into his and looking up, he found her eyes looking at him sadly, her lips pulled into a sympathatic smile. „It's alright. It's gonna be alright, Doctor.“ Her words so heavily accented like they always had been.

He savoured her appearance before saying: „You're not real.“

She smiled at him. Her big genuine smile. „Course I'm not. But I'm here anyway.“

He gave her a small smile in return. „Why?“

„Cause you need me. And I promised you forever, didn't I?“

**Author's Note:**

> So ... I just randomly found this in my old fics. I have no recollection of ever writing this, but it's better than anything I've uploaded in the past year, so here you go.


End file.
